I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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