I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize