I faked an abortion last night.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
