I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
