Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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