I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
