come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
