I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
