Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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