guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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