I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
