D3 body, D1 cock
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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