The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
