if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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