im six kinds of drunk right now
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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