8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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