The maid of honor just puked.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
