Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless

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  (586): On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless http://tfl.nu/z7nx
  Replies (6) Good night (1088) Bad night (1202)
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  (909): View more from California

  good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant

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  (909): good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant http://tfl.nu/4y6m
  Replies (10) Good night (643) Bad night (2609)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.

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  (267): I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys. http://tfl.nu/6bet
  Replies (27) Good night (4780) Bad night (1008)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Are you trying to threaten my boobs?

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  (402): Are you trying to threaten my boobs? http://tfl.nu/zkua
  Replies (17) Good night (3160) Bad night (988)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  well you can't waste a boner

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  (330): well you can't waste a boner http://tfl.nu/ixi5
  Replies (12) Good night (4965) Bad night (688)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.

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  (512): I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me. http://tfl.nu/h7ic
  Replies (22) Good night (4144) Bad night (1242)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high

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  (774): dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high http://tfl.nu/yu6x
  Replies (49) Good night (7579) Bad night (915)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them

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  (610): i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them http://tfl.nu/hras
  Replies (41) Good night (4284) Bad night (1613)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.

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  (425): I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class. http://tfl.nu/j3lm
  Replies (12) Good night (4449) Bad night (1187)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.

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  (402): yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic (1-402): i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities. http://tfl.nu/psst
  Replies (71) Good night (8109) Bad night (1720)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.

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  (732): people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself. http://tfl.nu/7r6x
  Replies (11) Good night (1352) Bad night (2903)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...

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  (315): Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime... http://tfl.nu/v3a6
  Replies (7) Good night (2195) Bad night (1189)
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  (707): View more from California

  Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...

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  (707): Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost... http://tfl.nu/dlrx
  Replies (1) Good night (1101) Bad night (1040)
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  (607): View more from New York

  You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.

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  (607): You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house. http://tfl.nu/rggh
  Replies (12) Good night (1550) Bad night (562)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo

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  (904): The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo http://tfl.nu/8wcq
  Replies (8) Good night (902) Bad night (645)

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