I wish I could punch you in the face.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry