I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased