you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
