I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
one two three fourrrrnication!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
