I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
