Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
