all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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