i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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