If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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