WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
