You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
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in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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