You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
