you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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