There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
