I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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