I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just googled if crying burns calories
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
