i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
