Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
