so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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