Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
