Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
