you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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