We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
