so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
