Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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