marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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