Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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