Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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