he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
