Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
