I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
