When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
