At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
