i think i have two assholes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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