how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
