i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
