508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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