Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
