May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
