i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
