the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
