We're like a lot better than the average bears
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
