She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
