I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just high enough for therapy.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
