I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
