I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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