my mouth tastes like poor choices
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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