can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
