u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
