I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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