woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
