I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
