new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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