wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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