we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
