So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
