i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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