please come you make the beer taste better
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
