Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
