Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
