I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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