New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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