is your mom at the bar?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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