We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
