What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
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Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
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Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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