I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
